Okay, I know I was going to save my rants for other peoples’ ridiculous problems and skip out on denigrating politicians of supreme idiocy, but seriously, come on, this is too much to pass up. Also, my back seat had nothing interesting to offer the last few days besides a Squidulon swallowing himself. Since they do that all the time, it isn’t really blog worthy.
However, thanks to some seriously dedicated-to-their-hypocrisy politicians, I soon may not be alone in the Ultimate Universe! Well, let me clarify. I would still be the only Pesnort, and definitely the only sentient, hyperintelligent Pesnort, but there could be a new, small population of illegal aliens to the universe to keep me company! Now that is news, right? That is blog worthy! Especially considering my back seat and I are not currently on speaking terms, on account of the whole Squidulon thing. Like that’s my fault. I don’t get to choose what fare I pick up.
Deep in the mostly uncharted Quadrant, which by Galactic Law is still considered a part of the Ultimate Universe ever since the Classificationist Guild pointed out that what does or theoretically does exist is a part of the Ultimate Universe because the Ultimate Universe is infinite. By the nature of infinity, you can’t just go drawing lines around things and sectioning it off. Infinity doesn’t really work if you say the universe is infinite except for that piece over there. So, anyway, deep in the mostly Uncharted Quadrant, circling a little yellow sun in a small galaxy is a blue planet inhabited by beings whose civilization borders between TAL 2 and 3. (See www.UltimateGalacticUniverse.com under TAL Distinctions if you want to know what that actually means.) In a tiny little sector known as Illinois, the politicians have gone nuts! It’s great. I mean from my perspective, maybe not for people actually unfortunate enough to live there. In denial of their own overriding governmental laws regarding citizenship, they are pushing to simply ignore the births of children without two identifiable parents! In their primitive culture, “birth certificates” are essential to proof of national citizenship. (nations there are little chips of the planet one group of people hold and fight over with people holding other little chips of the planet. They have yet to figure out they are all on one planet and maybe should act that way.) The lawmakers on this little chip of a chip of the planet seem to think what their society deems ‘illegitimate’ children, or if the child’s father is unnamed, are not deserving of citizenship or the same rights as other children, whom effectively have two known parents, and should be denied birth certificates. First, I would like to point out that I find the whole idea of an illegitimate child ridiculous. How can a child be not a child? Is it a fake child? A toy child? How do you look at a child and say, “Nope, that is a fake one!”? Then stamp it illegitimate. I mean really, now.
However, the big news to me is that, hey, if they can’t be citizens in the land where they are born because there is no birth record (and The Ultimate Galactic Headquarters is quite strict about birth records and accountability of such) then wouldn’t that make these perspective children illegal aliens on their own planet, and thus in the Ultimate Universe? Which, of course, would mean I would not be the only known sentient illegal alien in the Ultimate Universe. So, just putting this out there, for all you not born yet illegals, when you can’t find a job on your planet because they pointedly believe you do not exist (Ostrich Syndrome), drop me a line at email@example.com and I’ll hook you up with a referral with the Universal Galactic Cab Company. I know for a fact they’ll hire an illegal and not ask any questions. I personally know at least three guys working there who are currently believed to be dead, and one that actually is dead. You will fit in fine! The pay is rubbish, but if you are likeable enough, the tips aren’t bad and you get the opportunity to see things almost as crazy as where you come from.
Well, that’s my stump for today. Should be interesting. I might have to check out more goings on down there, see how funny these being really are!
Until next time, cheers!